Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Why you and I still need this bisexual blog

As they say in France: Jamais s’exprimer, jamais s’expliquer (roughly: never complain, never explain) and the past few posts here have been little more than complaints and explanations – well, enough already!

This is my 100th post on this blog, and the one that probably gets the most traffic is Ten Reasons You Need This Bisexual Blog, which makes me think: all is not yet well…

Two things strike me very forcefully through all the Google alerts I get (on bisexual, bi, bisexuality). One is that, for a few people – Queer, college/university attached, polyamorous, trans-friendly – bisexuality is nothing much. Sometimes, it can even be seen as regressive, stuck in the “two-genders only” norm. Coming out, for them, may not even be really necessary or appropriate. Being attracted to “men” or “women” is not expected. For the moment. While they’re in that environment.

The other is that there is still such a large group of people who say to themselves: I think I’m bisexual, help! Many people – often, but not only, teenagers; often, but not only, people who are not part of progressive communities, do not identify as queer, are in established relationships, do not know where their local lesbian or gay bar is (if any) – find being bisexual, or even thinking about it, very frightening. They think their whole world is going to fall apart, and they may be right. They have had criticism or rejection from people they have told and they wonder if anyone can help them. They need support now, but where do they go to find it? (Of course, nothing like all bi people fall into either of these groups, but you get my drift.)

Bi people, like all people, need validation, to know that they are OK, that there are others like them, that they deserve and can achieve, love. That’s why you still need this bisexual blog, and why I do too.

10 comments:

Jen said...

Good to see you back Sue :)

The continuing stream of new people even after 15 years at BiPhoria, Manchester's bi social-support group, testifies to the second part of your posting there. There are the people who come because they just need to be there once to know they are not alone, and the people who come back to get the space to work out who they are that the rest of the world doesn't give. And of course people who just make friends and like hanging out in group space :)

Online and in real life, we still need our little corner.

Sue George said...

We do indeed, Jen.

Anonymous said...

i am married over 18 months. my husband said we should refrain from sexual activity because i may get pregnant and he has no health insurance now. He bought a box of c ondoms which we used before marriage without insurance and after marriage he stopped. He smells like baby oil all the time and comes in all hrs in the morning. when i ask him where he was he said out and no particular place. is he a homosexual? i doubt he is not having sexual activity at least it is not with me.

Sue George said...

Anon - there's nothing in your post that makes me think your husband is having sex with men. Having sex with someone else though... very likely from what you say.

F said...

This is a very interesting blog and I'm glad I found it. I'm a bi-sexual man married to a straight woman. Being bisexual is sort of weird these days. Personally I love it and I think it's where most of humanity would be if social norms didn't impose certain rules about how the genders are supposed to interact.

I say it's weird because, as you probably already know, people don't seem to understand it. They say it's a phase. Gay men think I just haven't come completely out of the closet. Finding a woman to be completely ok with it is difficult (or they also think i'm gay). I don't think my wife is even 100% ok with it.

I think there's a lot of proving oneself to others that gets annoying and exhausting. I tow the line with my behavior and mannerisms between masculine and effeminate and I think that confuses people or it just gives them more reason to think I'm in denial.

There's a million other things I can go on and rant about on how bisexuality is viewed in our culture (or not viewed). I'm sure if I start reading through all your posts I'll find equal feelings of frustration.

glad there are others out there.

thanks!

Anonymous said...

OMG everything u write is wrong not all women are bi quit trying to turn the world gay...

Anonymous said...

After reading you guys replies it has really made me see all point of views. See, I'm bi-curious and I'm afarid to interact or come out becuase, I don't want to mess up my whatever you want to call it becuase its like a man can't be bi-sexual but a woman can. Cause I always hear that a once a man goes gay, he's gay. That is not true, we can be bi-sexual just as well a women can. I grew up in a gay enviroment mostly from high school and living in one of the highest gay population states. It doesn't bother me seeing or being around gays and lesbians. They are just like me. Human.

Dude, if you're married and you don't know if your wife actually accepts who you are then you need to talk and figure it out. It's only wierd being bi-sexual becuase you're married.

A'Jae Dandridge said...

i enjoyed you blog.. thank you!!

David said...

Yeah you know it is what it is...people sometimes push you to define it...well i like to say when you want one have it want the other ? the other have it. evidence: this morning i woke up next to a man i would do many things with and tonight a really hot female roommate hit on me and i thought the same things...other times maybe i'll feel some other way perhaps...now i cant be in any club. i'm fired.

Maria Ana said...

I need help from all of you bisexuals out there =)
Here's the deal:
So, I'm a 14/15 year old girl and I have some mixed feelings. I like guys but sometimes I kinda have this feeling that I wanna kiss girls.. You know when there's a ovie on tv where there are 2 girls kissing and you think to yourself "man, i wish i was the one doing that!" ? Well, i have those feelings.. I get turned on when a guy kisses a girl but I get even more turned on when a girl kisses a girl.. I totally imagine myself in bed with a guy but thinking of doing it with a girl frightenes me (ok, it doesn't frighten me, you know what i mean :b) So please help me! Am I bisexual or just bi-curious? It would mean a lot if you could give me some answers =)